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Satyajī approached Lord Śiva. Śiva smiled upon her—not in a negative way, but beautifully. The knower of all, the Lord of the heart, Lord Śiva, knew that Pārvatī, that Satī, still had some confusions in her mind, and that with this, things were still not ended. He asked her, "Did you meet Rāma, and in which way did you make the test? Please tell me the whole truth." Sometimes, to speak the truth is not easy. You hesitate to tell something; you do not want to lose face. It is difficult for all of us to be on this path. "My Lord," Satyajī said, "I had a great fear. I was scared about the power of Lord Rāma. I have done nothing. I just paid my praṇām to him humbly, in the same way as you made the praṇām to him." And Satyajī was also afraid of Śiva. She tried to hide what she did. She did not tell him that she changed herself into... into what? Into which form? Sītā. So she did not tell Śiva, "I changed my mask." She said, "Oh Lord, I did not make any kind of test for him. I did not try to find out anything. I just went there and I made praṇām, as you always do. Thank you. God bless you. God bless you. God bless you. Lord, what you said to me already before, that was not a lie, that was the truth. And I knew it was the truth. In my mind, I had a confidence that whatever you said, Lord." "Then why did you go there?" Śiva asked. "I will ask the question. Everything is okay. I had no doubt." Then Śiva was a little surprised. And just as the knower of all, he played a little. He said, "Now I will meditate, and I will find out what you did." So, Lord Śiva, through his divine eyes, through his third eye, looked there into the past. It is like a film is rewound and replayed. He saw everything. What kind of play did Satyajī play? Śiva came to know everything: what she did, what happened with her, through which experience she went. Sambho sujana. Lord Śiva. He bowed down his head to God Rāma. "Thank you, Lord. It is your power, your māyā, that always protects me, so that I do not have to fight for it. How easy it is, and how quickly it is, that your Māyā lets Satyajī tell the unreal, the lie." I would not dare to say that she is lying, but what she is telling me now is the lie. Śiva said this in his inner dialogue. Sometimes, when you are looking for, searching for some answer, you put the question also inwardly, you get the answer inwardly, and you again put the question inwardly, and again you get the answer. You get a clarity. So very important is that we have inner clarity. If we have inner clear clarity, then we are not suffering, and then also, inwardly, you know what you are going to do, what you should do, and what you should not do. Everything is inner decisions. First, one decides inside, one thinks very much over while controlling the indriyas and mind, the senses and mind, and then you think again over and use your viveka, that "I am not going to hurt anybody," and now then you will let it go as it is, or you will do something. Therefore, it is said, "The will of God," if you believe God has a will. I do not believe that God has a will. But I would say God gives back what we have, so it is His mercy which leads here and there without expectation. Because Kṛṣṇa said also, "In all three worlds, there is nothing which is not realizable for me. Anything I can get what I wish, and I have to work for it." Nothing. I do not have to try hard to get something, but still I am acting. I am working for God’s work. God’s act is without His willpower. We need the willpower. We have the will. We only just ask for that positive energy, what we call God. Sati Kīna Sītā Karveśa Śiva. Urbhaya viśad viśeṣa jo ava karo sati sanpreeti mithai bhagati patu hoye aniti. Lord Śiva was having very deep arguments with himself, pulling his inner self here and there. You see, personal and impersonal problems; sometimes impersonal problems become personal problems. It was Satī’s problem, not his problem. That she did not trust, she did not believe. And now he told her, "Okay, then find out yourself." And what happened? Now, something happened. Now it becomes his personal decision what to do. Yes, Satyajī changed her cloth in the form of Sītājī. It is not only the changing of the dress; there is changing of everything. Even if you are only changing a dress and playing, still, in your subconsciousness, in your mind, in your feelings, you have to behave like that. When Śiva realized that Satī changed herself into Sītā, in his heart there was a big conflict, because Satī became Sītā. Śiva was thinking, "If I will love now the Satī, then my bhakti, part of my bhakti, will be lost. And if I lose my bhakti, that will be the great tragedy for me." Because Satī already belongs to Śiva, to Rāma. And I am not going to interfere in this. If I do, or if I think differently, then I will lose my devotion to Rāma. And that will be one of the biggest mistakes and the most terrible thing for me. Please start, Śrī Viṣṇu. Parama Pūṇita Nājāitā Jī Kīye Prem Baḍā Pāpu Pragati Nakahat Maheśu Kasuhirdaya Ādik Santapuṣī Avar Rāmachandra Kī Pāvanasuta Hanumān Kī Jai. I know Satī is Satī. She is very pure, very pure and faithful. Therefore, also, I cannot reject her. I cannot separate from her. If I give my love to her, that will also be a sin for me. Because she had changed it. Where was the need of changing? These feelings of Śiva, he could not tell anyone. He could not express it to anyone, but Śiva had restlessness in his heart. Now it became a personal thing: what to do. So you see, there is one poem: when a pot is broken, has a crack, then there is no resonance in it. It is broken. This is a full one, it is not broken, and it has a very good resonance. And now we make a crack in it. And you will see there is no resonance. So where is that resonance gone? A very slight crack is there now, and this cannot be repaired anymore. When we blow off the flame, the visible flame, beautiful, shining, radiating this light, and just blow it off. Where is it gone? Disappeared. That flame just disappeared. As soon as the flame disappeared, everything becomes dark. If you try to catch it, run from this window to that window, close the door quickly, maybe the flame will fly away. You cannot catch it. There is no door existing to stop that flame, and there is no door or no way existing to bring that flame back. When you put the lemon in the milk, the milk is spoiled. You cannot gain any more butter from that milk. It is gone. Chemically, it is changed. It is gone. From that milk, you cannot get any more butter. Similarly, when feeling from the heart is gone, you cannot get that love, whether you say love or devotion or bhakti. Therefore, God, please, you can take everything away, or may I lose everything, but not one thing: my belief, my devotion to you. When this devotion is gone, it is darkness, it is everything gone. This poem is like this. You have the inner, inner arguments, confrontations, and so Śiva is also in this condition. He could not tell; he did not know how to regain. It was big in the heart, you know. The kleśas cause the vikṣepas, and vikṣepa causes again the kleśas. This is all what in the Patañjali Yoga Sūtra you read, and these are sādhanā for a yogī is not good. Even the Lord of the Lord sometimes also has such situations. Then who are we? We are immortal beings with our natural or human weakness. How far can we try to come over? It is out of our ability. Only His Divine mercy, the Guru Kṛpā can save us. Oh Lord of all, the string, my string is in your hand. The string of my life is in your hand. Please, move a little towards you. Do not play me always far. Please move sometimes a little finger, that I come closer to you. Bhakti, devotion. In the Rāmāyaṇa, you will see many things like this. When Sītā was kidnapped and Rāma was searching for her, and Hanumānjī was finding Sītā, so before Hanumānjī went, God Rāma gave one ring to Hanumānjī, that when you will bring my message, maybe she will not believe you. But if she sees this ring, and she knew this ring, then she will trust you. He came to see that she did not trust him, but then he showed the ring, then she was so happy. She said to Hanumānjī, "I am ready to give you anything that exists in this world, because you have become so dear to my heart. Ask what you want: kingdom, money, family, wife, children, position, siddhis—what do you want?" Hanumānjī said, "Mother, if you want to give me something, then please give me bhakti to your lotus feet, so that I will have eternal devotion to you." So bhakti is something great. And therefore, Lord Śiva, he is thinking, "Satī is very pure. She is very faithful, therefore I cannot renounce her. If I love her, there will also be sin." Śiva could not tell her or anybody, but in his heart he was very sorry for it. Lord Śiva, inwardly, he made his devotion to God Rāma. In the heart, he bowed his head to Rāma. You know, it is very easy to kneel down, but it is very hard to surrender the heart. If it is a real love or a selfish, artificial love, there are some people who know. The smell of the kasturī, pañculī, you cannot hide. Even if you put it in your suitcase, the smell will come out. So the devotion from the heart, that love knows. Otherwise, you do as long as you like, then you go away because here is not a comfortable place, and then you go somewhere, and then after some days, you come back. That is called kapaṭ kī bhakti. Kapaṭ kī bhakti prabhu nahīṁ māne. God does not accept that kind of love in the heart. Śivjī bowed down to God Rāma, and he remembered him very, very intensively. "Lord, come and tell me something." As soon as he begins to think of Rāma... some intuition came to his mind. Some decision came. Some thoughts. Some ideas. Some visions, maybe. Some indications. What to do. Now, through this body of Satī, there can be no oneness between her and me, as husband and wife, or as Śiva and Śakti. Through this body, the Satī is not possible. And Śiva made an inner Saṅkalpa in his mind. He made the saṅkalpa. This will not be possible. This came to his mind, intuition, the answer. Now what he will decide, it is his things, but at the present, he is already so far. The Lord Śiva, whose mind and intellect are always steady, was thinking of Rāma, full of devotion, full of love. Śiva left for his house. For what? For Kailāśa, Himālaya. Śiva gets up and he moves towards Himālaya alone. I think he did not have a suitcase. Did he have a suitcase? No, he did not have a suitcase, but I think he had a water pot or something. He must have enough. As soon as he thinks to go, the snakes also know what he is thinking, so all the snakes quickly run and climb up on him. So Śiva said, "Well, my cobra, let us go." So the Lord is moving towards Kailāśa. When he went, moved towards Kailāśa, a divine voice came from the heaven, sky, "O Maheśa, O Śiva, glory to thee. Your devotion is so strong, so solid. Your devotion is pure, solid, clear. Like that devotion, we should have also. Your devotion should not move. When something comes between you and your beloved one, you shall try immediately to reject it. And this is the bad words in Kusaṅga. This is always chatting, what you call, whole day, blah, blah, blah. That keeps you away from that which makes the distance. Not that God pushes you away. Because you who are running away, sometimes He is running behind you to catch you. But out of your pride and ego, your jealousy and complexes, you become like that fish which you cannot catch with the hand. You want to be caught with some hook. And when you are caught by the hook, then they will take you to cook. That is it. Therefore, always proceed." Now, the proceeding of Śiva towards the Himalayas, Kailāśa, means the proceeding of your inner feelings towards your aim, towards God. That is what you can do. You have to walk. You have to decide. So it depends on you which words you will keep in your mind, which habits will be in your mind, which qualities you will have, or you will purify them. That is very important, very, very important. Therefore, such a strong devotion, such a pure love which Śiva had, even the heaven, the sky also said, "Thank you, Lord. You are the glorious. You are the victorious." Jai Maheśa, Bhālī Bhagatī Dradāī, Aspana Tum Bina Karai Ko Ānā. Rāma Bhagata Samrāta Bhagavāna, Sonī Naba Girā Satī Ura. So the whole heaven is vibrating, whole. The earth is vibrating. All mountains, all vegetation, everything, everything is moved. Tāṇḍava nṛtya, you know, when Śiva moves, everything moves. When he decides, everything decides. But he had a very peaceful state, very calm. Called tolerance, that is called forgiveness. Give freedom means to have freedom. Lord, who can make such a strong bow like you? Oh Lord Śiva, you are the bhakta, the devotee of Śrī Rāmacandrajī. He is a great one. You are a mighty one, greatest one. When Śiva heard this voice from somewhere, and Satyajī heard this too, suddenly she was scared. She was sad, I would say. Now you can smell something in the air; something is happening. Then again, your heart becomes weaker. This is called the recycling process. She had a doubt again. She had another doubt. Then she put someone in doubt. Then again, she put them into doubt. There is a very hard way out of doubt. How many times? Will you repeat these things? Understand and make clarity. It will come back to you. And so she is somehow already having some doubts. She did not dare to ask Śiva. She was ashamed, or she did not feel comfortable, but also she thought, "If I will not ask, it will be too late." So, half certainty, and you know when someone is half certain, half uncertain, and one feels guilty, then how one comes and speaks, "Can I speak something with you, please? Can I, can I have consultation, please?" Better you shall make meditation, not consultation. Self-enquiry meditation. So you know now purposely that why yoga in daily life has developed the particular special meditation, self-enquiry. Because that is not only meditation; there is a consultation. Consultation and meditation together, so you should do the self-inquiry meditation. So Satyajī, she is Divine. She is the Divine Mother. She is most adorable. Nothing is holier than her. She is very pure. For us, she is the highest one. Do not think that she made a mistake in our consciousness. There are no mistakes towards her. It is a good family problem, you know. It is between both of them, that is it, and how they are going to deal with this, so who are we? Who are we to judge them? Who are we to blame them? We have no rights. Even we are not worthy enough to be the dust of her feet. Such a great one also has to think over how to come back. There are many people who go for climbing on the highest peak of the Himalayas or on Sumeru. And how to say that she done and told me, there was a group of Yugoslavians who went there and successfully came back. They say 30% of people fail; they cannot go high. And 30%, when they are up, they do not know how to come down; they cannot come down. So 60% of people die there, and no one can go there to rescue them, because who can go there so high up to bring the dead body at home and go for funeral? So once I heard some kind of documentation that so many dead bodies lying there around, completely frozen in the snow. So sometimes you can reach something, but you do not, and you try to go away. Now, you do not know how to come back. Finding the way back is very hard. When you go in the meditation and for astral traveling, you go out of the body. It is hard, maybe, to come back again in the body. After the death, it is very hard to come back in the same body again. You see your body lying in front of you, a beautiful body. Just heart stopped working, that is all. You can put a new pump inside, but you cannot come in. So try to gain the way back, and that takes many lives, maybe, to get that confidence. Satyajī, she gazed in her heart. Now, out of everything, the omnipresent Lord Śiva, he realized everything. "What have I done? I was cheating Śiva. I made a mistake out of my… I should not say now in this Kali Yuga, but I should translate as it is written, you know, though I am a follower of the emancipation. But, you know, sometimes reality is reality. Reality cannot be changed by any religion, any philosophy, by any politics, by any law, by anyone. Reality cannot change, even by emancipation. Satyajī herself, out of my feminist nature. What I have done, the doubts and my mistakes, that was my great mistake, my foolishness." She said, "Look, the nature of the love, when the water and milk come together, how they become one. And you can sell the water at the price of milk when you put a little water inside, that water becomes milk, and you can sell that milk or that water as milk. Like this, when we become one with God, when we become one with the saint in satsaṅg. To become one with the saint means to go to satsaṅg. Listen to the satsaṅg, follow their words, vākyās. You will become the same. Your price will be the same, like the price of a saint. So, look at the nature of love: how it becomes one, like milk and water." "But when you put some sour thing in that milk, it again divides. The milk solid becomes one side, the water one side, and the sour. Test. And that is our test, kushāṅga. That is our test: talking negative all the time and thinking negative all the time. Kapitu? Endlich, yes? You should understand finally. Feel away from God, and if you feel, then it is you who put the sour things inside, or someone who came and put in your brain blackmails. Your oneness again divided. You see what Tulsīdās is telling us. I think he is boiling and stirring us, you know, stirring our heart, stirring our heart through and through. Not only Satyajī’s heart was burning, now many of our hearts are burning."