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Today is a very auspicious day, a holy day, a divine day, a day full of colour and happiness, so it is called holy. On this day, our very dear and respected great scholar, Śrī Gulābjī Kothārī, is here with us. He is joined by his dear wife, my sister from Jodhpur, and other relatives. When a great personality comes, we are happy, but we are overjoyed that we do not want the benefit only for ourselves. We try to inform our other Bhāratīya brothers and sisters that Gulābjī is here. It is said, "Kaunai janat kapi nāma tihā ro." Arre, Anumanjī, āpkā nām kaun jāntā hai? To vaise hī, hamāre Gulābjī, keval hamāre Rājasthān mẽ hī nahī̃, keval pūrī Bhārat mẽ hī nahī̃, lekin pūrī viśva mẽ bhī khyāt hai. He is invited as chairman to many major conferences. He is a great scholar, but he is very dear to me. What can I say about Gulābjī? There is very little to say about him. Gulābjī is present in front of us, filling the ocean. Now the question comes to the people: how to live life? Life to mil gayā, jevan to mil gayā, lekin ab kaise jīye? We got life, we are born, but now how to live? How to live the spiritual life as well as the family life? So today Gulābjī will talk on this subject. I will ask Gulābjī today if he can answer our questions. You can ask whatever is not clear to you. So Gulābjī will have questions and answers, and before that, he will inspire us and awake within us motivation and energy. So let's welcome our dear Gulābjī here in Om Viśvadīp Guru Kula, Swāmī Maheśvarānanda Āśrama, Śikṣā and Śodh Sansthāna. Om Śrī Dīp Narbhāgavān Kī. So Gulābjī, āpkā bahut svāgat hai, dhanyavād hai, āp pada rahe hai, and the plot is yours. First of all, my greetings to all of you. I need your blessings, everybody's blessings, and that becomes my strength to interact with you. I pray that whatever we talk about today, whatever we exchange with each other, will add something to your spiritual elevation. Swamiji has asked me to talk about something regarding Gṛhasthāśrama, the married life, its purpose, the goal of married life, and the relationship between man and woman. It is not a small subject. In India, our average lifespan is taken to be 100 years. The first quarter, that is 25 years, is devoted to studies; the second quarter, raising the family; the third quarter, serving the society; and the fourth quarter is sanyāsa dharma. That means you work for your own personal elevation, and we call it mokṣa. The ladder we use for this mokṣa is Puruṣārtha: Dharma, Artha, Kāma, Mokṣa. Dharma is basically related to our intellectual prekṣā. Artha is monetary life, material life, and it is related to our physical body. Kāma is kāmanā, the desires, and it is directly related to your heart, manas. Mokṣa is, of course, related to the spirit, ātmā, soul. Our personality is divided into two parts. One is perishable, another is immortal. The soul is not produced by parents. The body is produced by parents. Therefore, the contents of the body are different. The contents of the soul are different. The soul travels from body to body, and the body has its own lineage. Our body contains the genes from seven generations. This body is made up of the Mother Earth, and there are five basic elements which form the material world. Pañca Mahābhūta, jise hamārā śarīra banā hai, jise yeh sṛṣṭi kā nirmāṇa hotā hai. What is the purpose? How do we look at life? What is the goal? And how do we reach the goal from where we start? We know only the physical body. We can't see our intellect. We can't see our mind. We can't see our soul, but everything is reflected in the body. We learn to understand all these things, learning to understand the language of the body. How the mind is reflected, how the soul is reflected, how we control our body. The first step is to know our constituents: what is our body, how it works. Secondly, we know how to understand our mind, intellect, or emotional life. These three are perishable. They have their own lifetime limits. After that limit, the body will perish. Before it perishes, we have to accomplish our projects, our life goals. In India, we say to become part of the... I mean, you get out of this cycle of rebirth, mokṣa. But it is possible only so long as your body is there. Once the body's time period is over, your dreams are not fulfilled. They will be left incomplete. So whatever time we have in hand, it's always short. We cannot relax a day or an hour, thinking we can do it tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. No, it's not possible. Today is the answer of life. I have to use my present. Past is a dead part of your life. It will never come back. Let us not worry about the past. Let it be in the graves. The future, we can't predict. And we can't control both because it has two directions. One is the cycle of our past karmas, which decides our future. Secondly, our work in the present adds to this cycle of the future. That means we have two simultaneous graphs moving toward the future. So we don't know what all the karmas are coming in the future, giving their fruits, and I have to face them. So the only option left with us is to use the present. And that means whatever you do, you are there with the task. Say, for example, you are eating. Food is before you. If you are really in the present, you can see everything before you. You can eat with your eyes, you can eat with your nose, you can eat with your hands, you can eat with your tongue. All senses can be used to eat it, provided you are there at the table. What happens in practice is that while eating, your brain roams around. There are many things coming to the mind: I have to meet this, I have to write this, I have to go there. So many things are moving, just overlapping your memory. So, you are not there to eat. Who is eating? You don't know. You don't know who has cooked it, how it is cooked, or what it tastes like. That means you are absent. You are not using your presence. Otherwise, food alone can transform your life. Alone, no other meditation you need. If you are concentrating only on food, the food will decide the direction of your desires, whether it's positive, negative, sāttvic, rājasic, tāmasic, whatever food you are eating. It's how scientific it is, and you don't need any education to understand this basic philosophy of life. Everybody needs eating, and everybody eats. So, there is no option to get away from this. It's a compulsion. So, can we use this compulsion as a ladder to get out of this rebirth cycle? I will tell you the basic principle behind the food. We see the sun. The sun is something solid. It has a figure; you can feel it. There is a circular, ball-like thing, and it's burning. It is a source of temperature. It is hot, like a fire. Now, how does it maintain the heat, or fire, or temperature? Because there is some Soma falling on it and burning to create this temperature. Soma is, you can say, vaporized water. The very fine state of water is known as Soma. Agni and Soma, when they meet, create the third element. Always, this whole universe is made out of Agni and Soma. So the first Agni and Soma start from the Sun. Then it comes to the rain. After the first reaction, which we call yajña, when the soma is poured into the fire, another thing is created, and we get the rains on the earth. Rain is again water; earth is again a solid fireball. That means water is falling again on the fire. This is another level of yajña, creation. When there is a waterfall, there is rain on the earth, we have the crop, we have the grains, we have the vegetation on this earth. This vegetation again becomes soma. We eat the grains, annaṁ, we come back to the annaṁ. So this annam is consumed by us. And we have the fire inside, we call it jāṭharāgni. Vaiśvānara. So we add this annaṁ to this fire. Again, see, this is another level of creation. Next level of creation. First level from the sun, second level from the rains, and the third level comes from our consuming the annam. When we eat annam, it has seven levels of transformation in the body. This annam creates seven elements in our body. This annam we consume. The annam first creates the secretions, the chemicals which our endocrine glands secrete. This is very important because these endocrine glands are known as chakras in our body. When you go for meditation, when you go for yoga, dhyānam, you come across this language of chakras. Chakras are endocrine glands. So whatever we eat is first digested by these secretions of these glands. They create different types of rasas inside. From there you get the bone, blood, then you get the flesh, then you get the bones, then bone marrow, and then the genital fluid. That is the last, seventh stage from this food. That means now you see this annam is also procreating the generations through śukram, the genital fluid. This is again soma, and it is added back to the agni, fire, to create the last stage of creation, generations, and we have children out of this stage. The whole universe has its growth here, so annam is so important. It's part of the chain, the whole chain. And we are also part of the chain, whether we call it man or woman. We are also now part of the same chain, right from the sun to the earth, to the man and woman. If we move out of this discipline code, our life is just spoiled. You can't blame anybody. You have to worry yourself about all these things. Now, this anna, when we see, has created the fluid. From there it creates the manas, your aura on your face, as well as the manas, the heart, what we take, what we feel, good or bad, happiness, sadness, bliss, everything, all the desires come from this place. So the anna is directly related to the desires, the form of desires, and the direction of desires. That's why we say we should earn, or we should eat only the grain earned by hard work, honest work, so that our desires also remain the positive ones. This desire is the root of my life. I work because I want to fulfill my desires in the heart. If there is no desire, I don't work. Simple. Now, it is our first and foremost necessity to understand how these desires come up, how these desires operate in this life, and what is the role of this manas tattva? How are the prāṇas moved by the desires? How we act, how the body acts because of the desires, and we bring those results which we look for. So in this body, you have now four components: the physical body, manas, intellect, and the soul. Primarily, this body, this whole universe is created out of the sound, the vibrations of the sound. You can imagine, if there was nothing in the beginning, only there was darkness and sky, there was nothing. Then, only the vibrations, because sound is the characteristic of the sky. And the sky was there, that means vibrations were present. So everything comes out from the sound vibrations. The most important thing now to understand is how we relate this sound to the body. We know the use of mantras, because they also are nothing but vibrations. Different mantras are different vibrations. But when we have four levels of life, we have four levels of sound also. The sound which we speak with each other, the loud words, spoken words, this sound is known as Vaikharī sound. But when you have this mala in your hand, you are asked not to speak loudly. You still speak it, but you speak it and you listen to it yourself. The next person cannot listen to it. This we call it madhyama sound. That means no more spoken language, no more words. This is madhyamā. There will be a stage with practice that you stop uttering a single alphabet or word, no. This automatically, the mantra keeps repeating inside the body. We call it Manas Japam. Jap means chanting, repetition. And automatically, it becomes a part and parcel of your Manas Tattva. From here, the direction of your growth goes upwards. Manas has both directions. If it goes towards the world, then it is manas, prāṇa, and vāk. Vākā means matter. When it goes upwards, it withdraws from this worldly life, the material world, and all relationships. And then it moves in the upward direction towards the goal, which is bliss. So, this is the core of my life, again, manas. How? To use this japa or this chanting, we can reach this pāśyantī, vaikharī, madhyamā, pāśyantī. Then there is some, the last level, which we cannot feel without in meditation or samādhi, is called parā. Now scientifically, what does it mean? When we are chanting from Vaikharī to Madhyamā, Madhyamā to Pāśyantī, what we are doing, you will feel it slowly and slowly, your mantra is becoming short. You are winning over the spaces between the alphabets of these mantras. And when it reaches the Pāśyantī level, you will feel all these spaces are missing. You have overtaken those spaces, and now the mantra remains or reaches its stage, we call it bindu, the dot. No space, no form, no language, no alphabets, no sound even. That is where we come across our own soul. This is the practice for anybody, without any formal education, to reach the stage of enlightenment. But this manas is the most difficult area of life, very difficult to control. Because this manas we have is not the original manas. It is the reflection of our original manas. That's why we can't control it. You can control the person, but you can't control the shadow. This is the difference. The shadow also, if it is in the moving waters where you see the waves, how can you control those shadows? This is the position of desires in the manas level. All the senses are connected with the manas. So each sense has thousands of subjects, so every moment, thousands of things are reaching the heart. Very difficult to filter out with that speed. And today, even you see with the technology, the speed of technology has gone from 3G, 4G, 5G, 6G. You don't know what is the speed of information, of the language. We can't match. Only Manas Tattva can match that speed, not the brain. So we have to be even more alert that this speed should not damage, should not hurt me, should not become an obstacle to my journey. So many senses, so many pieces of information reaching the heart. So my goal is to go to that window so that I reach my original heart. Original heart comes from the Almighty, the universal power. We say we have three types of bodies. One is the gross body, which we feed with this annam. Second is this sthūla śarīram. Sūkṣma śarīram, that is the subtle body. And it is a prāṇic body. These prāṇas activate everything in this body, whether this gross body or the currents at the soul level. Because the body is inactive, it has no action of its own. The body is a dead thing. The body moves only because other forces are active on the body. Prāṇas are acting on this body, so our body works. Otherwise, the body is a dead thing. It does not move of its own. Manas also does not move of its own. The working force is the prāṇas. You learn prāṇas through meditation, prāṇayāms, and then you reach that stage of how to understand, how to control your prāṇas at different levels of the body and chakras. This is the basic method to get inside yourself. When you start withdrawing from this worldly life, the material world, what happens? These prāṇas, which are forcing you to work out and get yourself connected with the outer world, withdraw. So all your senses will withdraw and turn themselves inside. You are disconnected from the outer world. And these prāṇas, they start moving your manas towards bliss. Very difficult. But this detached man, when you detach life, if you are really committed to your goal, the only one obstacle is your attachment. It is, I think, it's like a flower, you know, this same rose flower which we were having. You move it a little faster, you see all the petals will fall down. This is the way we need to think, imagine ourselves that we, our petals are all fallen. I am left with my soul. All perishable things are gone. When you start thinking on that level, then you can overpower all your desires, because then the subject is not connected to you. If I am connected to somebody, then desires will come up. If I am not connected, I disconnect myself. Desires won't bother my meditation. I will not get attached to things. Then I will learn to live in the present. This is my goal: if I can eat my food with all my concentration, if I can feel not only the taste of the food, but if I can feel what is the message in the food for me. Every food cooked for you has a message from the cook. Whether it's your cook, whether it's your mother, whether it's your wife, whether it's anybody in the family, whoever is cooking for you, there is always a message with the food. If you can reach this message, then you are eating in the present. What more do you need in meditation? This is meditation. This is work, it is worship. Whatever name, you can have many expressions to it. I must learn this message. The heart has no language. Emotional reflection has no language. The relationship between mother and child has no language. Even if it is a two-month-old baby, the mother knows what the problem with the baby is, why it's crying. There could be many things the mother understands that the father will not, because he is not emotionally connected. There is a relationship, a heart-to-heart relation between mother and child. Right before the child is born, the mother is connected and communicating with the child without language. So the relationship, the heart-to-heart relationship, has no language. You don't need it. Mother knows, "My child is sitting in America, and it's not okay. He must be feeling sick," and she calls, "How are you?" You can feel and see it every day. In every walk of life, you can feel the presence of your feelings, heart, and emotions, but only when you are concentrating on it. That is the more important part, and if you can learn this, the rest of the things are very, very easy to achieve. There will be no difference. The main problem comes, another thing which Swamījī pointed out, about the married life. I move a little away from this subject, to tell you two or three important things. As I said in the beginning, the Agni-Soma relationship starts from the sun, and it reaches us. We are the last recipients of this Agni-Soma creation chain. And as per this Indian philosophy, every man is also a woman, and every woman is also a man. That means half male, half female is the principle, the basic principle. So, what is the difference? The male will have the male portion complete, and the female portion incomplete. The female will have the female portion complete, and the male portion incomplete. So, when they meet, they become perfect. Each one becomes complementary to the other, making perfection. Both become perfect. But then, males are basically aggressive in nature. We call them firebrand, hot in nature. It is not easy for them to cool down. They are more intellectual, brain-oriented. Females, heart-oriented, cool, love, affection, everything which belongs to the heart. So she is known as Somya. Somya means more on the Soma line, and this is on the fire, Agni line, which means the sun and the Soma. This is what we were just mentioning. So we are in this; we represent these two elements. It means the male who looks like a firebrand, hot, inside it is the reverse. He is more Somya. He is a woman inside. When you look at the woman outside, she is soft, cool. Inside, firebrand. Just opposite inside, so it's very difficult to move a man than a woman. See, if we understand this part of our nature, our married life would be totally like heaven. Genital fluid is soma. That's why inside the male is soma. This side, it is fire, agni. We call it agni. Agni means it is not exactly the fire, but fire also has different forms at different levels. We have seven levels of the universe: bhū, bhuvas, svar, mahas, janas, tapas, satyam. So the fire moves from my heart to the Satyam, and it becomes Soma there. When the Soma comes from the top and reaches me, it becomes fire. So there is only one element. Fire becomes Soma, Soma becomes fire. Man becomes woman, woman becomes man. So there is no conflict to this extent. And you can see there is another principle, when the sun revolves around Parameṣṭhī Loka, The sun is the center, male form. The around circle is Parameṣṭhī, is a vapor form. Vapor has no form, formless. It has no center. That means this thing, this is known as Ṛtam. So Satyam, the core, the center, it has a form and it is surrounded by Ṛtam. Ritam has no form; it is formless. You come down; the formless is the force behind the existence of the form. We call it, the woman is known as Śakti, the power. Somya, it becomes formless. So, it needs to be added to the fire. During married life, what happens? The woman comes, adds herself to the meal, to the fire. This is a stage of creation. Now, what happens? This stage comes at the age of 25 years, when the first quarter of life ends, and the second quarter starts with this married life. So, this quarter also ends at 50 years, again another 25 years. So our married life is only for 25 years. Now there is a role. What is the creation, role of creation? What do the Sun and Soma create in the universe? What do the rain and the earth create in the universe? What do the annam and the body create in the universe? In the same way, the man and woman create in the universe. Same principle. There is no change in those principles. So if I look back, or if everybody looks back, at the age of, by the time you are married, or before you are married, you have no experience of the other side. Boy doesn't have the experience of the woman or the girl. The girl has no experience about the boy. So both are like slates, blank slates. But the woman still has that emotional life right from the beginning. She is more, you can say, responsible for all the younger ones living in the house before her. She treats them like a mother, so she is still growing with the emotional life, much deeper than the boy. The boy has no emotional responsibilities or attachments before he gets married. He is like a free bird, indisciplined, whatever you call it. So there are no limitations to his behavior, but the woman has. So, this part after marriage, she uses all these qualifications to transform this man and his heart to contribute to society. She becomes a friend. She sometimes behaves like an elder. Sometimes she behaves like a child. She uses all forms of love and affection to carve out a form out of her husband. What she wants, what form she wants from her, how her husband should look to the world, look like to the world, she carves out. That's why there is a tussle between husband and wife, always, because she will not spare Adam, honestly. She will carve out within 25 years. There is no time left beyond. Why? Because before it is 50, she is free from her marital relationship responsibilities. See, nature also has something to do with this calendar. She carves out this form, statue, makes her, makes him a statue-like thing in life. And by the time the statue is complete, the form is complete. This is the most important part of life. She creates aversion in the heart of the husband. Can we reach there? Can we feel it? Every wife creates aversion. Now your time is over. Turn towards society and God. You have to reach enlightenment, so this is your last stop for worldly enjoyments. So she creates aversion. Sometimes we misunderstand this aversion; we look for another partner. Then you are reaching. You are going to hell, but if you take this aversion positively, your life starts moving upwards. This is what we call it, dharma to mokṣa. So, the role of the wife is not very small. She is the creator of the world. She creates the man before she gives birth to the child. She teaches him, her, or the child everything before she gives birth. We have an example in the Mahābhārata of Abhimanyu, who learned all the art of guardianship in the womb. So this is an example that mothers can teach their children before delivery to society. I have seen American young women buying these cassettes in the market. There are pregnant mothers going to the shop, buying CDs and cassettes. Some teach music to the child in the womb, some teach languages, some teach different things, and they are superb. In India, I am so, I am really worried that no Indian woman believes in this, that you can teach your child before delivery. So your motherhood, you are the first teacher. Mother is the first teacher before delivery. So once your pot is put in the fire, you can't change it. That is what you do with the child, how it is being created. So now, after that, you can't change it. If your soul, say for example, leaves one wild animal's body, reaches you, your family, comes to your body, if you do not understand from where this soul is coming to me, how will you make it behave like a human being? Very, very serious, delicate question. And this is what, if the mother doesn't work at this level, if she doesn't transform the soul to behave like a human soul, she will deliver the same wild animal in a human body. For hundreds of years, this soul will work like the same animal in the same human body. And this is what is happening around the world today. You can see what things are changing in human life, in human society. If you can translate those things, you will understand why. So I think it's quite some time. The basic aim of life is... but they can have some questions now. Initially, during married life, we need some money. Our economy should be good; we call it samṛddhi, abhyudaya. That means everybody should prosper and have a good life. But once it is over at 50, you are moving towards the society, then you move towards niśrayasya. That means then you don't need, you are moving on your soul level. The path has changed to enlightenment. And this is the last achievement, the last goal we have to achieve in this life. Thank you. Namaskār. Question & Answer Question: In the Western world, we have females who have to work. And they don't have time to cherish their children the way we are taught in India. Because of this, the families are suffering. You give a child, when it's only six months or a year old, into the nursery, and that child is not happy. Do you have any advice on how we can bring balance in the West? Because a lot of families are falling apart because of this. Answer: There is no shortcut to life. In one word only, I can say this. You have to decide. Do you look for happiness, do you look for monetary gains, or do you have any other career-making option as a priority? We see a Mediterranean line. Earth is divided into two hemispheres. One is north, one is south. In the same way, when you go to the GMT-0, one becomes the eastern hemisphere, and one becomes the western. When you go for the astrological inferences, the eastern part is basically governed by the prāṇa, Indra prāṇa, which is again nīla prāṇa, hot, aggressive prāṇa. Indra is the sun. The sun is governed by the Indra prāṇa. And the western hemisphere is not governed. It is governed by Varuṇa prāṇa, which is cool, governed by, is a lord of darkness. Sun, Indra is the lord of light. When you go to the West, it is Soma. When you come to the East, it becomes Agni, the fire. There are two basic geographical differences which you cannot change. So when it becomes, if you go to the West, the material life and the life is totally governed by women. When you come to the East, it is more towards spiritual life and is basically governed by males. There is a very big difference. If so, what happened? Look at his question. The woman, half the women of this world are trying to live like a man. God has created 50% woman, 50% man. So out of that half, the women, that is 25%, so 75% of people live like men, male-oriented characteristics. Only 25% are left for female-oriented life. What happens when physically you are a woman, but intellectually you behave like a man? So when this woman is married to a man, another man, let us understand. We can simply understand the result. Both cannot unite to form the wedded lock. They will remain two. Both will have a struggle for their own independent identity. They will not merge. With each other, they cannot become one. One is the definition of love, when two become one soul. In this case, no. And the physical attraction doesn't last long. So after that period is over, then every day you have a clash and separation. There is no way to escape this separation. It comes because of this. So whether you go for the second marriage or third marriage or whatever, you have to face this separation every time because there is no woman inside. There have to be two opposite poles. But if both the poles are similar, there will only be repulsion. Mind it, and this is another reason when the children are not attached to the parents. It's only biological production. They produce only the human bodies, but the soul is not transformed into a human soul by the mother. So see, this whole society becomes, I mean, I have no word to express, but it's heavy. This is all disturbed life. There will be no happiness anywhere in any part of society. It is the woman who has to learn to live like a woman. God will not spare you if you challenge nature. So you have to pay all the cost to yourself. Okay? Thank you. Question: Nowadays they put the question: why should the man not stay at home with the children, and the brother go for work? Answer: Yes, this is a question many times. Arguments. Is it okay, husband, to stay at home, do the homework, and cleaning? It is not a question of homework. It is only a physical activity, homework. I mean, it's not really a valuable thing in life. It's only just a social behavior. What is important is that if you stay at home, you are dealing with your child. With the children, it will not be the same as the behavior of the mother. All your children, all your generation, would be spoiled. And in your old age, you will feel you will have to pay for whatever you have done. And that's what's happening. It's happening everywhere. Whether we accept it or not, take it up. Swamiji's Closing Remarks: Thank you, Gulābjī. Thank you very much. The answer was also very fine. So, we have to now learn. It is still, when it's in India also, the same situation begins. The girls or ladies have to work after one month, they go and give the child to some kindergarten. This is the same situation, beginning, and that's why the situation is. And in Europe, the mother is trying to stay two to three years at home, and they are changing. There is no harm in going, working out, and having your independent career. No harm. It's always welcome. What is the problem? You behave like a woman only. Don't learn to behave like men. You cannot become men, so you lose your feminine qualities, which God has given you many times more than your male counterpart. You lose them, and you learn all the weaknesses of the male. You start smoking, putting your leg on the table and all, abusing, shouting. You learn all aggressive things, so you spoil your own personality. So my advice is, go for any career, but be a pure woman at heart. And you will always rise much higher than the male counterpart. This is something everybody needs to achieve. It is not a simple thing. What a wife teaches to the male is all feminine qualities, all your love and affection, all those things, from the heart. She transfers everything from her heart to your husband's heart because God is male. If you want to reach Him, you have to behave like a female, so you have an open heart, all full of love. You behave like a woman, like Nīrā, you will reach God if you are. There, as a male, you cannot reach another male at all, you cannot. So this is another thing I think is a good point he raised: a human male also needs to transfer himself into a female at heart to go for bhakti. No bhakti is possible without that love. Bhakti is also the same as love. There are no two different words.