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Stress management and fear

Fear is overcome by inner certainty, not by circumstance. A story tells of a boy trapped by a ghost in a cave. The ghost consults God, revealing the boy has a long life. This knowledge removes the boy's fear. He later escapes by confronting the ghost with a burning log. Fear arises from ignorance and a lack of trust in one's destiny. Modern society confuses freedom with a lack of responsibility, creating inner paralysis, stress, and fractured relationships. True harmony is found within the family, through mutual respect and understanding between partners, not in escape or external remedies. Social education in behavior has been lost, leading to confusion. Traditional practices cultivate patience and positive intention. Stress is managed by creating harmony at home, not through avoidance. Your family and spiritual community are your support.

"Fear is overcome by the certainty within you that you are strong, immortal, and can face circumstances."

"The best remedy against stress, anxiety, and uncertainties is to create the best relations within the family."

Filming location: Vép, Hungary

Aum te hee, śānti hee, śānti hee. Welcome, all dear ones, and our very dear friends, bhaktas, sisters, brothers, and spiritual seekers who are always waiting for the webcast. We are nearly one hour delayed; sorry for that. Yogīs should feel free. Sometimes we are so free that we have to work on some techniques to put everything in order. Today’s subject is very interesting and is connected with fear. Fear is so strong that it makes a person completely, what we call, inwardly broken. Every creature, even animals, has fear. There is one story about how to overcome fear. There was a small village with a little mountain. On the other side of the mountain was another village, so the villages were at some distance. There were only a few houses—what we call farm houses—so there was no school. The children had to walk to a slightly bigger village where the school was. Sixty, seventy, eighty years ago, there was not much transport. That was good; children had exercise and knew the value of learning. In this small village, people used to tell the children, "Come home quickly after school. Don’t go here and there." Some children said, "We must run home after school because on this mountain there is a cave, and in the cave lives a devil. This devil comes out after sunset." So, psychologically, the children had fear. Even elderly people felt fear when passing there in the dark. There was one boy, a little bit naughty. He was running here and there and was late coming home. The sun had set and it became dark as he was running back. The ghost came, caught him, and took him into the cave, putting a big rock so the little boy could not move it away. "Pity, I should not have come late," he thought. The ghost said, "Normally I eat the person, but you are a good boy, so I will not kill you. Maybe sometimes, but you work for me." The ghost used to go outside the cave, closing the big rock behind him. One day the boy asked the ghost, "Where are you going every day?" He said, "There are asuras and devas—Rākṣasas and good people—and they have some meeting with God. We also have our chair in the parliament, and they also have a chair. Can you see God?" The boy asked, "You talk directly to God?" He said, "Yes, and still you are a devil." The ghost replied, "Yes, I like to be a devil." So the boy said, "Can you ask God tomorrow how long my life is?" He said, "No problem, I will ask." He went and asked God, "That boy I have kept in the cave is asking how long his life is." God said he has one hundred twelve years of life. The boy was thirteen years old. "So, one hundred and eleven years I will live here," he thought. Fear. Everything. The next day, when the ghost was going out, the boy said, "Can you ask God, please, to make my life a little less? I don’t like such a long life. Or prolong my life?" The ghost said, "I will ask God." God said, "His life is 111 years now. No one can kill him, and he can’t die. Can you prolong life more?" God said no. It is given, and that is that. So, they became friends, and the boy always used to cook for the ghost, making a big fire with logs. One day, the ghost mistakenly left the rock a little away. There was a passage to run out, and the boy took a burning log and attacked the ghost. "I will kill you now!" "You can’t kill me," said the ghost. "Let me go, otherwise I will kill you with the fire," the boy said. "Please go out quickly," the ghost replied. He went out and looked back; there was no ghost. So, it is our fear, our ignorance. Ignorance is the darkness, and we have fear. Darkness means the night, not that some person is black, yellow, or white. When you know that your life is so long and you will have a happy life, then why are you afraid? Don’t be afraid. The first thing is to overcome fear. Fear is overcome by the certainty within you that you are strong, immortal, and can face circumstances. That does not mean our life will die; we will not die. So take that burning log, that burning desk, and tell your fear, "Out! I am okay." Sometimes a husband is so fearful of his wife, and lifelong he will not be happy, or the wife likewise. Suddenly, he said, "I have no fear because I make no mistakes; I’m not doing wrong things." One should not have fear. Fear creates stress and a certain kind of feeling in the whole body and mind, which is like a horror. People also have the fear to survive, to exist, because we don’t trust in our destiny. Unfortunately, our social life has changed. We think we are free, but we are not free. Before, 500 years ago, 100, 90, 80, 50 years ago, we were more free. But we wanted to become more free in the wrong way, and now this has created big complications. Men became so free: "I can do what I want." As well as women, they think they are very free and can do what they want. "I am a human. I have my rights. I can go anywhere. I do what I want." This kind of freedom has made humans paralyzed, inwardly paralyzed, so they have stress, fear, and uncertainty. We see our situation. There are very rare men now who are happy with their wives. There are very rare women, ladies, or girls who are happy. Out of fear, they are running away. They think, "I will be more free," but as you are free, you will be caught by that ghost in the cave, like in the story. You have no confidence to make your life free and happy. Parents have no knowledge of that kind of education—what we call social education. Social education means not only that you go and study and work, but social behavior. Parents, who should give the knowledge or the education—where to go, where not to go, what to do, what not to do—but outside, when you go to kindergarten, the children learn completely differently. So humans are very poor now. You know, there was a story I told you once, around 1976 or ’77. Some people always go with me to India. With me, it was about five or six people, both males and females. Where people are sitting, the ladies talk about ladies and the gents talk about gents automatically; it’s not bad. We were in a city called Jodhpur in Rajasthan, guests at someone’s home. The housewife was cooking, and one lady with me, about 33 or 35 years old, went into the kitchen to learn Indian cooking. This Indian lady could speak English, so they were women talking about women. The Indian lady asked the European lady, "Are you alone here with Swamījī? Is your husband with you?" She said, "No, I have no husband." "Oh, you don’t want to marry?" "Yes, I would like to marry." "Then why don’t you marry? You look a little bit elderly; the time is over." "Well, actually, I had many men." "What? What did you say?" "Yes, I had many boyfriends." "School friends?" "No, no. I was..." "Then why did you not marry a boy? Why didn’t you go to the first one?" She said, "You see, I have fear." "From what? To marry?" "Then why do you have that boy or man with you?" She said, "Because if I marry and he will get divorced, I will be so sad and lonely alone." "My dear, still you are not married and you are thinking about divorce, why? You get some man to marry, but you are thinking negative. So this, your negative thoughts, one day will come true. Okay, doesn’t matter. You can be 30 years, 40 years. So, if you didn’t find a husband, why are you going then?" That was in Europe too, before, at the time of the First World War and also in the middle of the Second World War. In Europe, it was exactly a very nice life, and they got a good husband, a good wife, everything. But now, because that time was not a freedom—that freedom, it’s not a question of going with a boy or a girl, but they want to have that responsibility. So, at that time, our culture in India, or here, was such that, especially, the woman had no fear and no uncertainty. They knew that they would have a good husband; they would get it. Now, everywhere is getting, you know, they call ṛṣi-bisī. You know what is ṛṣi-bisī? What is Rizibizi? You can say Kichari. Kichari, you know? It means all rice and dal and this and that, all together in my body. So this is... and that has made humans completely confused. Yes. One way is very good: that women are well-educated also, and they have great knowledge. They have confidence. Everything, but emotionally they are suffering. Doesn’t matter even if it is the wife of the president. So there are two different lives. We have an outer social life, positions, everything, money, work. But inside is not that which you are searching, and that’s what happens. When not this, then people are trying to forget something, and for that, there is alcohol. So many, many people, those who have problems with family life or partners, etc., become alcoholic. In this way, they destroy their life. It should not happen like this, so finally we have to turn to God, whether you believe or not. But God must not be someone who will hold your hand and go with you and say, "My child, here is your partner." Your kismet, our destiny, our karmas, that will lead us. But wait for that. In every country, there is a different technique. Let us say the techniques, but it is a belief, and it happens. Now, in our countries like India, Sri Lanka, Nepal, some parts of China—these Eastern countries—India was till Turkey, the Middle East, Afghanistan; this all was India. Till Indonesia, Hong Kong, Bangkok, Singapore, this all. But forget it. It is a belief. Certainly, belief is the certainty. Mostly the girls go on a particular month, and they worship the banyan tree. There are two kinds of banyan trees and different times to worship them. It’s a beautiful thing. Until the month of April, the young girls go, carrying a water pot, wearing nice dresses, and singing nice songs, going and giving the water to that tree and putting one holy thread around the tree. That day, these girls pray, "I should have, I wish, a very beautiful and good husband." And you know, every husband is beautiful. So, ladies, girls, don’t think there is no man beautiful. The man is beautiful because he has a good heart. He surrenders to his wife. That is a real husband. And wife also. So they are searching, they are waiting. And if you go on the way and you meet some boy, no, that can be your brother but not your husband. Also, there is a pūjā early morning, where you give water to the holy plant called Tulasī, and when morning dawn rises, the sun rises, then the girls, mostly... You see, it’s not a joke, but I want to tell you. I always say, thanks to God that there are females, the women. We have nothing to do. They do everything for us. The women are fasting for the good health of their husbands. For the long life of the husband, yes, there is a fasting. Once a year comes one day, 24 hours, when the married woman will not eat or drink for 24 hours, for the good health and happiness of her husband. And the husband, you can’t imagine how humble he is, that her heart is more worried about him than his heart. So the woman, that girl who is marrying you, the woman’s emotional love is only for some time, finished. But your wife develops love towards your husband like a mother. And that is a humbleness and kindness in one family. If you don’t get it, doesn’t matter, leave it as it is. But don’t fall into the traps. Take time, it will come. Someday it will come. So that pūjā... What they are doing, there are many fasting days. There are so many days, you will be so surprised. You go to, for example, Rajasthan, Jaipur. The festivals—Jaipur is a city of culture, beauty, spiritual—and there are so many festivals for the women. They worship the women like gods. No doubt, they are a god. That’s divine Śakti. Therefore, in the Upaniṣads and in our Granthas, scripture said, "First, God is mother." Mātṛ Devo Bhava. First, that mother is equal to God, and then comes God. So we say Lakṣmī Nārāyaṇa. Lakṣmī is the female, the God of Viṣṇu, and so Lakṣmī and... Then comes Nārāyaṇa, the Viṣṇu. First worshipped is Lakṣmī, then Viṣṇu. Maybe as a respect. And so in Europe there was a tradition, ladies first, women first. And now, what makes this woman here? Unfortunately, we lost respect for the mother principle. And the ladies also lost. So it is Kali Yuga, and that’s why you have the fear, anxiety, what we call, and the stress. Whose wife is not kind enough? Or he is not content, happy with his wife or something. That one will work and work and... work. That’s called a workaholic. Because you know when you come home, then the wife will say, "Can you remove this garbage? Can you go and buy the milk? What have you done all day? Why did you come so late? You are tired, go and sleep." So better he is working and working, working out of fear. He’s scared about this, or there is no harmony. Escaping, and so the work and work and work creates stress. So that’s why God has made these two, male and female. Even the animals. At sunset, they all come together, sit, and be happy. It is said that at sunset, every bird flies into the nest. It comes to the nest, and so that man or woman should not be there for 12 o’clock, 3 o’clock, and likely somewhere. You are lost. So the best remedy against stress, anxiety, and uncertainties is to create the best relations within the family. And for that, God has made the family. We say Gaurī Śaṅkara. So first is Gaurī, then Śiva. Sītā Rāma. You see, the first is Sītā, and then Rāma. Rukmiṇī Kṛṣṇa. First is Rukmiṇī, and then is Kṛṣṇa. That is what we are. So, I would tell all you boys who are here in this hall, open your eyes and see your partner as half of your heart. And also, the women, you should know that your husband is your pillar, of your house, of your body. Then in your home, there will be good harmony. So, how much are women doing for the men? You see, the women, they are so kind. Even if you don’t tell her, she will do the laundry. She will iron. She will cook many things. The wife comes home, she goes into the kitchen. Husband comes home, puts on the television. So, how long should the wife cook and do this? Can he come and tell, "Can I give you a hand?" So when there is neglecting, then one of the partners will seek something outside. And when it goes outside, then there is a dispute in the family. Go together, no problem. Invite your wife for eating once a year in a restaurant, yes, because you have to save your money, or when you are somewhere outside in another city, okay, you can go to the restaurant. But at home, cooking, it is uniting husband and wife and children. It’s not that you eat all the time in the restaurant. And then you said, "I don’t have money." You see, three children and parents, five. They go to eat in a restaurant. So, how much will you pay? And only two persons’ food can feed five at home. But it doesn’t matter, money is money. But what you cook at home, there is love. And in a restaurant, it is not that love. So the best love is the mother’s love, how a mother feeds her child. And now, this is a mother. Have in women always this tendency to make the family happy, at least through cooking. So, what we call the treatment of stress, stress management, is management with your wife, or with your husband, happiness. Immediately, stress will go away. The tablets will not help you. Or go for one week, or two weeks, or one month holidays. That’s more stress. There are many people who just travel and hang here and there, and then again come back to the same hole. So that is not like that. Holidays are when you go to visit your parents-in-law for one or two days. Tell your wife, "Let’s go to your parents, and we will see. They will be happy." They will cook good for you, or she will tell you, "Let’s go to your parents if they are done." Otherwise, the father’s husband’s parents are mostly there. So this is the stress, anxiety, uncertainties, the fear of life, existence. Only you can manage, no psychologist, no doctors, and no other medicines. You have to create harmony between your parents, your children, or your partners. And don’t think, "I have no partner, will I find?" Yes, you will find. Just turn to that positive light. Otherwise, sometimes many, many people are coming to me all day, and they trust me. So, one man said, "I’m searching for a good wife," and he’s already about 30, 35 years old. And then one day he said, "I’m really very happy, Swamījī. Bless it." I said, "I bless you always, but as today I ask Mahāprabhujī." And really, he got a wife. And after three years, he said, "Gurudeva, my life is horror. Why, Gurudeva, did you send me such a wife?" I said, "I did not send." Or men, you know. So, my dear, first is for the stress management: don’t run out. And you don’t need big lectures. If you have no harmony at home, it doesn’t matter, you can meditate and meditate; stress will not go out. There is one deer, lost in the forest, and he was completely in stress. After four days, the deer again came into the group, and he was so relaxed, happy. And so we should find that our group, our family, and we have also our yoga family, and that kind of harmony, so many practices and so many lectures, and so close to master and disciple. Nowhere is that like Yoga in Daily Life. And we are all such good friends to each other, and we help. We don’t hate anyone. Maybe, maybe someone who doesn’t clean, wash the socks, so your socks smell like spoiled jeans. That’s it. So there are some, so they have to do śaṅkaprakṣālana, kuñjalakriyā, and some cleaning, body cleaning. That’s all. But in our group, it’s not like that. Otherwise, you know, they go like this. Slowly, then they get up and go to the window side. In Australia, they have some kind of paste, not a cheese, but like in Croatia, there is what you make from the ajvar, or something like this, made from the soya. I taste it. I’m not used to it, and our people, Europeans who go... no, but... Australians, New Zealanders, they like it very much. I don’t know what they call it, Besimai? And you cannot sit with certain people in the car and drive 100 kilometers. So you will always open the window. So, like this person, maybe we try to go away. Otherwise, thanks to Mahāprabhujī, that our brothers and sisters, we are very much helping each other, and that’s why you come. The stress is moving, harmony. And you should understand your husband also, or you should understand your wife also. Everyone has a different nature, a little. So, of course, the husband said, "Always you run to the yoga center. Always to the yoga center. Always Swamījī comes and you go." So you can say, "Please, you come with me." No. So sometimes you should stay at home. When the seminar is there, it doesn’t matter. You can look at the webcast. So we have to have, how do you call them, a mutual understanding. Then your children will be very happy. Your life is more or less finished. When you have children, after you have one, two, or three children, for what do you live now? For children. Happy children, happy family. That’s it. So, this is the way of removing this stress. Tomorrow morning, I will give you some exercises also to remove this tension from the mind. So, it will come. When it comes, then it will come. We just wait. Csak várunk. Will thou come, will thou come, just for once, come to me. Will thou come, will thou come, just for once, come to me. So, you see, this is very simple. Nagyon egyszerű. Very simple, very easy. Nagyon könnyű. Create harmony among family and friends. Friends are they who support you and your family. That’s it.

This text is transcribed and grammar corrected by AI. If in doubt what was actually said in the recording, use the transcript to double click the desired cue. This will position the recording in most cases just before the sentence is uttered.

The text contains hyperlinks in bold to three authoritative books on yoga, written by humans, to clarify the context of the lecture:

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