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Friendship

A spiritual discourse on the nature of true friendship.

"Dosti means: do means 'two,' and sati means 'the truthful.' It is when one who is walking on the path of reality or truth supports another to walk on the same path."

"Lucky are they who find such a friend in life. That friend is like you are two bodies but one soul."

Swami Sarvapriyananda explores the Sanskrit concept of dosti, defining true friendship as a selfless, unconditional union based on truth, beyond emotion or personal interest. He uses metaphors like a bird's two wings and contrasts this ideal with modern relationships, citing high divorce rates as a failure to understand this principle. The talk includes a narrative of two separated friends exchanging heartfelt letters, extending the concept of friendship to include family and even pets.

Recording location: Czech Republic, Strilky, Summer seminar

There were two best friends who were so close that they would not eat breakfast without seeing each other. Not a single day would pass without them meeting, talking, and being happy together. Friendship in Sanskrit is called dosti or mitratā. Dosti is a very beautiful word. As beautiful as the word is, so beautiful is the friendship. Dosti means: do means "two," and sati means "the truthful." It is when one who is walking on the path of reality or truth supports another to walk on the same path. Those two, though both are walking together, that is real friendship. That kind of friendship is above emotion. It is above any selfish interest. There is no business interest, no personal interest. It is like a life companion. It is like a bird having two wings. Both wings must be equal, both must be healthy, both must have balance, and both must coordinate together so the bird can fly happily, peacefully, comfortably, and safely. So it does not matter if it is husband and wife, girlfriend and boyfriend, or two girlfriends or two boyfriends—it is not about physical relations. Dosti is in the heart and in the mind. Lucky are they who find such a friend. Such a friend should never leave us alone. The whole world can be against you, but your friend will not be against you. You know, when you get married—at least I know from Hinduism, Vedic marriage, and marriage in Christianity in the church—one partner promises the other, gives their word, that for the whole walk of life, "I will be on your side. In happy or unhappy times, in health or illness. No matter what happens, I will be thine, I will be your best friend." That is called friendship. So marriage is not emotional. Those who get married just for physical attachment will get divorced again; that will be suffering. As I used to say, the joy of the joy is less than the sorrows of the joy if it is material. Yesterday I heard in the news that every second person gets divorced in Austria. So every second marriage breaks. I think that is not only the Austrian condition; it is the entire European condition. Why does this happen? There must be something wrong, and what is wrong is in education. We did not understand what friendship means. Without understanding that, sooner or later that friendship will become boring, unpleasant. You will feel empty, lonely. That is not friendship. So lucky are they who find a good friend in life. Again, do not misunderstand this. Friend does not mean a man and a woman, not a sexual relation. It is the heart, confidence, a very natural understanding. When the left wing of the bird goes up, automatically the right one goes down because that bird wants to make a turn. It wants to go up or down. There are no arguments because there is no time to argue. You know, our two hemispheres must have perfect harmony, understanding, and balance. Our two hands must coordinate perfectly together. Even with your eyes closed, you know what the left hand is doing and what the right hand is doing. If there is a difference in the action of the right hand and the left hand, then never drive your car, because you do not know where the left hand will turn your car and the right hand wants to turn the other way. That is called balance, and that is yoke, that is called union. Union means perfect balance. So lucky are they who find such a friend in life. That friend is like you are two bodies but one soul. That friend is always there for you, whether you are alive or dead, happy or unhappy. So there were two friends together. By destiny, one friend had to go far away for work. The friend who remained back in the small village was very sad. They wrote letters to each other every day; there was no telephone. They were talking to friends about their friends. The friend from the village wrote a letter: "Dear friend, it is really so terrible. I feel so alone and lonely. Everything seems empty here. There were so many festivals. So many of our sisters from our village, the girls, got married, and I attended some wedding parties. But without you, I was feeling lonely. There were the religious festivals, Dīpāvalī, Holī, or you can say here Christmas. I was very sad. I had beautiful presents for you, and that present is lying on my table. Every day I am looking at that present and waiting for the day when it will come into your beautiful hands. I can hardly wait for you to open it. I am looking at you, and you see, and you are smiling. Your heart is full of joy, and you do not say thank you to me, but you hug me, and I hug you. Dear friend, when will you come? When will we see each other?" You see, that is friendship. That can be your grandfather, your mother, your father, your sister, your brother, or your house dog. Many times when people go on holiday, they phone home and ask, "How is our dog? Does he eat properly? Who is walking with him? He must be very tired in the evening. When I come, I think he will be very happy." And when you come, he is jumping up and down. The dog is so happy, or the cat is so happy—she comes and stretches herself and comes with her head and crashes into your legs. They cannot speak to you how much they love you, but they express their love. Your plants on your balcony, your plants in your room—as you enter, they feel happy. When you are on holiday, you think, "I hope my friend will give water to my plants." That is not attachment; that is a relation, that is a friendship. In such a friendship there are no conditions. He who puts a condition, there is no friendship. "If you do like this, then I will be there. If you do not do like this, I will not be there." No conditions. There is understanding. "When will you come, my dear friend? I can hardly wait for you." Otherwise, others will say, "You never come. You are always away. So bye-bye, have a good life. I have other friends," and, "You never write." Be careful with such a friend, because there is a personal interest, a materialistic interest; that is not love. So the other friend answers that letter; it was so heartfelt, full of love, full of imagination. "Do you remember me, my friend? I go every day walking in the park, and that particular beautiful tree under which we used to sit down and we were talking about the Upaniṣads, and we were talking about the great saints; that was not a talk, that was a satsaṅg. I miss your satsaṅg, not I miss your company; I miss your satsaṅg." Satsaṅg means to be with the truth, and that truth is Satī, dono Satī. So the other friend is also writing a very beautiful letter: "Oh, my friend, to meet you, to see you, I cannot wait. Always I have in my heart a great hope to see you soon. Maybe you will not understand me, but I think I miss you more than you miss me. When I go shopping, I see something beautiful and I think that I should share this with you. When I eat ice cream, I have a feeling to share it with you. I miss you. You do not know how much I miss you. Again and again I have the feeling to see you again." Recording location: Czech Republic, Strilky, Summer seminar

This text is transcribed and grammar corrected by AI. If in doubt, what was actually said in the recording, use the transcript to double click the desired cue. This will position the recording in most cases just before the sentence is uttered.

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