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Doubts in spiritual life

A morning satsang addressing the doubts and existential fears of spiritual devotees.

"Faith has two sides: a kind of faith which is only temporary, and a kind of faith which is lifelong, which will guide you and help you develop your spiritual powers."

"If the devotee of the Lord is true, then why is there fear in the mind? He can make immortal, unborn, your body and your soul. Why are you worried about this?"

Swami Avatarpuri discusses the nature of faith and the common doubts bhaktas face, emphasizing that doubt should be about one's own abilities, not the path or the master. He illustrates this with the story of Holy Guruji's moment of existential fear when sent away by Mahaprabhuji, and how a bhajan and teachings reaffirmed that God assumes responsibility for a true devotee's destiny. The discourse also includes the parable of Sena Bhakta, the barber, whose devotion led to divine intervention.

Recording location: Australia, Brisbane, World Peace Tour

This morning we have a beautiful session about the doubts and uncertainties that bhaktas carry in their hearts, and also about sab kus deva data deva dhyāna—the meditation on God as the giver of all good. It concerns the uncertainty devotees experience on their spiritual path. This is quite logical and clear. We humans are always thinking; God gave us the mind and intellect to think, and we should utilize our thoughts, our thinking tendencies, and our knowledge. Whenever you think something, you are touching your knowledge, asking within your knowledge what to do, whether something is correct or not. Many times our thoughts do not accept something, or our intellect does not accept, or our intellect accepts but our heart does not. It is difficult to balance the heart and the brain. If you can master this, then it is perfect, but you cannot do so unless you have confidence, unless you have faith. Now, faith has two sides: a kind of faith which is only temporary, and a kind of faith which is lifelong, which will guide you and help you develop your spiritual powers. It does not matter how advanced you have become on your spiritual path; suddenly some kind of doubt may come. This doubt must not be towards your path, towards God, or towards your master, but rather doubts about your own abilities: "Will I be able to do this, or will I not? What will happen?" Furthermore, nowadays people have a great existential fear. This fear awoke in human consciousness during the last two world wars—the First World War and Second World War—which brought about terrible situations. Consequently, people began to collect and hoard. The system developing in modern civilization is also quite different. On one hand, we have care from many NGOs and governments—social help, social care, at least a minimum pension—but still it is not enough. Some people have too much yet want more, while others have very little and cannot get more. So, in the subconscious, we harbor doubts—not towards our government, parents, master, or God—but we are uncertain: "How will my life be now? How will it go further? What will happen to me? If I don't have this, what will happen?" This means self-confidence is missing. It is true that one could just sit under a tree, do nothing, and God will give everything. In some way, God will give you what you need; people may come and give you bread, someone may give you fruit, someone may put a coin in your hand. But that is not a life. Therefore, humans must be active, working, and we must have self-confidence. Consider Holy Gurujī. When he met Mahāprabhujī, he received all the realization one should attain. Even before coming to Mahāprabhujī, Holy Gurujī had that kind of realization as soon as he heard Mahāprabhujī's name. That brought him confidence and faith, and from the first look he saw the divine in Mahāprabhujī. Mahāprabhujī said to Holy Gurujī, "I told you that after that time, I would meet you, or you would meet me." Holy Gurujī had forgotten—what did he mean? Then Mahāprabhujī said, "Do you remember your early morning dream?" Immediately Gurujī remembered, and he saw Kṛṣṇa in Mahāprabhujī. Holy Gurujī was very dedicated to Kṛṣṇa, praying to see Him as we all do. Kṛṣṇa is in everyone. So suddenly he could see the divine form of Kṛṣṇa. Mahāprabhujī was giving blessings, and Holy Gurujī said his tears were falling as he surrendered and prostrated before Mahāprabhujī. Gurujī said, in his own words, that forever and ever Mahāprabhujī made his residence, his temple, in my heart. All his searching finished. In Holy Gurujī's time, he met many sādhus. He traveled throughout India, giving satsaṅgs and spreading the name of Mahāprabhujī, the satsaṅg, and the saints. Holy Gurujī had great respect for those sādhus who were truly holy. One of them, I must tell you, was Swāmī Śivānandajī of Ṛṣikeś, for whom Gurujī had great respect and adoration. Many times in satsaṅg, Holy Gurujī gave the example and words of Swāmī Śivānandajī. Indeed, the consciousness of Śivānandajī was very highly developed, as were many other saints whom Holy Gurujī adored. But Gurujī said, "This head and this heart, which surrendered once to the Gurudeva, will remain ever devoted to my Gurudeva." So, it did not matter where Gurujī went; Mahāprabhujī was always with him, and Mahāprabhujī's name was with him. When Gurujī came to Mahāprabhujī, one day Mahāprabhujī called him by his mother's name—words which I do not wish to repeat. You should always say your master's name with great dignity and titles, such as Śrī Gurujī or Swāmī Mādhavānandajī, but the master will not say such things to you. Sometimes, when the Master wants to show you respect, Gurujī or Mahāprabhujī would say, "Now you go and preach the name of God and bring the light to me." Why? Because Holy Gurujī was so attached to Mahāprabhujī. If he had to go just two kilometers to some village to deliver the message, it was very hard for him to be away from Mahāprabhujī for even a few hours, half an hour, or a few minutes. Then Mahāprabhujī said, "I must show him my universal form." Just as Arjuna asked Lord Kṛṣṇa, "Kṛṣṇa, please show me your reality. I know you are a very beautiful man, very young, very wise, and everything. But how should I know that you are the universal God?" Kṛṣṇa then showed him his universal form, where Arjuna saw everything in the entire universe that exists. He saw Kṛṣṇa's body containing volcanoes, rivers, fires, storms, hurricanes, beauty, ugly things—everything. Arjuna said, "O Vāsudeva, O Kṛṣṇa, I cannot understand, and I am scared. Please be merciful and appear before my eyes as that beautiful Kṛṣṇa whom I was always seeking." Kṛṣṇa then appeared again in his beautiful human form. Similarly, Mahāprabhujī showed Gurujī his universal form and told him, "Go and preach." Now, Holy Gurujī was a very young man. It was lunchtime, about eleven o'clock, with a very hot sun of forty-six or forty-seven degrees. He thought, "Why does Mahāprabhujī send me away? What mistake have I done? What does he not like? What did I do? And where will I go?" These thoughts arose: "Where will I go? To whom will I go and ask, 'Can I stay with you? Can I stay one night here?' Whom will I ask, 'I am hungry, can you give me food?'" Many such thoughts—that is called existential fear. Though there was so much trust, confidence, love, complete realization, and higher consciousness, suddenly when you come to this physical planet, into the physical world, you enter saṃsāra and you make thoughts about your existence. Holy Gurujī went outside the āshram room; the sun was very hot. He searched for some shade because there were no trees, and he wanted to stay somewhere where Mahāprabhujī would not see him. He was nearly weeping, thinking, "Why must I go now?" Mahāprabhujī was sitting in his small room, and Mahāprabhujī was the knower of everything. You could not hide anything from him. Sometimes that is good, and sometimes it is not. You must have the ability to digest the truth. Thanks to God that we do not know, that we have not opened those abilities. Because then you would see everything—what someone is doing in the other room, where your father is now, where your mother is, where your children are, what they are doing, where your wife or husband is, what is happening everywhere. To see and resist all this is not easy for us. Therefore, God also limited our memory about the past and our knowledge of the future. Everyone says, "Please, I would like to know the future." I say, "If you want to know the future, then get ready and organize everything for the funeral, because you will get a heart attack immediately." We cannot digest the truth. We cannot master the situation. Therefore, it is good we do not know. When it comes, it will come. But if you are above this, if you have opened forever and you came for this purpose, then you know everything. Yet, though you know, you will not tell, because it is against the principle, against the cosmic law. Mahāprabhujī came to where Gurujī was sitting, as if in Vīrāsana. Gurujī immediately got up and made praṇām. Mahāprabhujī sang a beautiful bhajan: > Abhakt Hari Kā Sat Chāhave > To Kyō Man Me Ghabrāya? > Abhakt Hari Kā Sat Chāhave > To Kyō Man Me Ghabrāya? If the devotee of the Lord is true, then why is there fear in the mind? If the devotee of the Lord is true, then why is there fear in the mind? He can make immortal, unborn, your body and your soul. Why are you worried about this? If you are a true devotee of God, why are you scared? That is all. You have doubts now. Where is your faith? Where is your confidence? Your duty is to stand firm. Whatever is happening, be that rock; it does not matter how strong the hurricanes are, the rock is solid and will not move. The whole Himālaya can begin to sink, but your confidence should not move. Even the moon and sun can change their way, but you will not change your decisions. That kind of love you must have in your heart, and faith and belief. Arjuna saw everything in Kṛṣṇa. Arjuna could not believe that all this exists in Kṛṣṇa—even the Rākṣasas, Indra, Brahmā, Viṣṇu, Śiva, Kāmadeva, Nāmadeva, all Devas. And Arjuna said, "Lord, I want to see that beautiful Kṛṣṇa." So, if you have faith in God, then why are you afraid? Who gave the beak will give the food. God gave the beak; He will give the food too. A little grain of rice to the ant and a hundred kilos to the elephant—every day God, the creator, provides for them. And you, a human, have such a beautiful intellect, knowledge, such buddhi, heart, and clarity, and still you are in doubt, you are uncertain. Where is your faith? This is Bhakti Yoga, which we will speak about continuously. It means to master thyself and not be worried about your existence. Go ahead; your duty is to do Sevā. Do the Sevā, and then everything—God will take responsibility. Therefore, anyone who came to Śrī Devapurījī heard him say, "God takes upon Himself the destiny of the devotee." God takes upon Himself the destiny of the devotee. Sometimes God has to suffer because of you, and you will not suffer. There is a beautiful story about a barber, a very famous story from Gujarat. The barber's duty was to go every day at 10 o'clock to the king and shave him. The king had a kind of disease, what you call leprosy. When someone is more ill and very weak, they have more anger. The barber had to be very punctual; otherwise, the king would punish him. The barber was a very great bhakta, a devotee of all holy saints and gods. Any sādhu he saw, he immediately asked, "Please, can you visit my house? Your holy feet, when they walk in my house, will bring happiness, prosperity, light, wisdom, everything." Because a sādhu is the second form of God Viṣṇu. God Viṣṇu says to Nārada, and Ṛṣi Nārada asks God, "Who are these sādhus, these saints?" Nārada asks Viṣṇu, and Viṣṇu answers, "Saints are my soul, my ātmā, the ātmā of Lord Viṣṇu," and that is the universal ātmā. And what you see as Viṣṇu, this is the body of the saints. And in each of my hairs, the saints are dwelling like rain in the clouds. Oṃ Meram Raha Ja Badal Me Me So Bhakta, Sena Bhakta; Sena Bhakta means the barber. He saw a group of five or six sādhus coming, and the barber was on the way to the king. He greeted the sādhus and asked, "What about your lunch today, and would you bless my house?" They said, "Okay, Bhakta, if you want, we will come." He went with the sādhus back home and began to prepare everything, to buy this and that, and told his wife to make a nice lunch. What happened? Through this, he delayed a few hours, and one of the saints was giving satsaṅg about devotion, about God, about faith, everything. After a few hours, he realized; he woke up. He was awake and not dreaming, but again he remembered, "Oh God, I have to go to the king. He will punish me." So he said to the sādhus, "If you permit me, please, I go to my duty for half an hour and I will come back." One of the sādhus smiled and said, "Don't worry, your duty is done already." The Sainābhagat did not understand. They said, "Okay, please go." Now his heartbeat was very high, like when you are jogging or going uphill; he was very afraid of what the king would do. When the Sainābhakt came to the door of the king, the king was running towards him and said, "Thank you, thank you." The king had no leprosy; he had a healthy body. Sena Bhakta said, "My lord, what happened? I have done nothing." He said, "No, no, no, don't hide yourself. Today you had some miracles in your hands. At ten o'clock, when you came and began to shave my face, as soon as you touched my body, I felt such an energy that all my illness is healed. I want to thank you, I want to thank you that you came again." Now Sena Bhakta, inside, was saying to God, "Thank you, Lord, you saved me." So who was there? God Himself came as a barber to save the king for the sake of the Bhakta and for the sake of this devotion to the sādhus. And when God touches your body, you are a fortunate one; what a divine energy goes into your body—it is a healing power. That will heal all life's diseases, all diseases of rebirth and death. So that is devotion; God comes to us. Therefore, if you are a bhakta of God, Hari's bhakta, why are you scared in your mind? Do not be scared. Then a beautiful bhajan Gurujī said; each bhajan has a very long story, and when I tell this long story in Europe, all are sitting in front of the computer screen, they will sleep there. So this bhajan ... If you want, then why are you afraid in your mind? Bajraya Kaad Hari Kaun Gaad. Dhuri Dhyan Mein Naar Jaa Baad Dhyan Mein Chaar Kar Dhyan Kar Dhyan. Baadi Ke Laa Turaagyo Teen Lok Jas Gaya Dhar Mahed Teen Lok Jas Gaya Dhar Man Mein Gav. Jinn Ka Paar. Kabīr. God bless you. I can make your body even immortal, free from death and birth. If you are a devotee of God, why are you scared? Why are you unhappy? Have you no faith? No confidence? Look how many bhaktas are in this bhajan. Mahāprabhujī is saying they all received, and even we are remembering them now. So, have the name of Gurudev in your heart and go. And you know, how far did Holy Gurujī go? Now, as far as the bridge went: Queensland, the Sunshine Coast, the Gold Coast, Japan, and everywhere, all around the world where this message is going. Now Mahāprabhujī's immortal preaching, divine preaching, Holy Gurujī is bringing to the whole world, to every corner of the universe, and this is the resonance going into the universe. That is the devotion of Mahāprabhu. That is bhakti, what Bhagavān says, what Holy Gurujī said, that Mahāprabhujī told him. "You are still a slave of the stomach. You were thinking, 'Where will I go, and who will give me food?'" Mahāprabhujī said to Gurujī, "I will personally bring food for you at the time of lunch, or breakfast, or dinner. Even if you are sitting somewhere far in the mountains where humans cannot come or reach that point, I personally will bring it for you. But you want more." Then Gurujī said, "Lord, excuse me, this was my ignorance. For a time being, doubt came for my Gurudev. There was a dark cloud. But you again removed it." This Gurujī was telling many, many times, and the same thing: some Bhakta had a doubt and said, "So, Holy Gurujī, who will give me this? Who will give this?" So, Holy Gurujī is now giving the answer to this bhajan of Mahāprabhujī. What is the answer to the blessing of Mahāprabhujī? Holy Gurujī wrote a beautiful bhajan. Everything is given by the merciful Lord Mahāprabhu. Everything—not only what you need now in this life, but janam janam kā dharidarmete, from many, many lives, death, which you have, karmic death, he will pay you back. All he will destroy, all your past karmas and everything, finished. He will enlighten you. There is no more darkness existing behind and in front of you. You are completely free if you surrender to Gurudev. Recording location: Australia, Brisbane, World Peace Tour

This text is transcribed and grammar corrected by AI. If in doubt, what was actually said in the recording, use the transcript to double click the desired cue. This will position the recording in most cases just before the sentence is uttered.

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