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Satyajī approached Lord Śiva. Śiva smiled upon her—not in a negative way, but beautifully. The knower of all, the Lord of the heart, Lord Śiva, knew that Pārvatī, that Satī, still had some confusions in her mind. With this, things were still not ended. He asked her, "Did you meet Rāma? And in which way did you make the test? Please tell me the whole truth." Sometimes, to tell the truth is not easy. You hesitate to say something; you do not want to lose face. It is difficult for all of us to be on this path. "My lord," Satījī said, "I had a great fear; I was scared about the power of Lord Rāma. I have done nothing; I just paid my praṇām to him humbly. I just said, in the same way as you made the praṇām to him." And Satyajī was also afraid of Śiva. She tried to hide what she did. She did not tell that she had changed herself. Into what? In which city? What she thought, she did not dare to say to Śiva: "I changed my mask." She said, "O Lord, I did not make any kind of tests for him. I did not try to find out anything. I just went there and I made praṇām as you do always. Lord, what you said to me already before, that was not a lie, that was truth. And I knew it was the truth in my mind. I had confidence, whatever you said, Lord." "Then why did you go there? I will ask the question. Everything is okay. I had no doubt." Then Śiva was a little bit surprised, and just as the knower of all, he played a little. He said, "Now I will meditate, and I will find out what you did." So, Lord, through his divine eyes, through his third eye, he looked there into the past. It is like a film is rewound and replayed. He saw everything. What kind of play did Satyajī play? Śiva came to know everything: what she did, what happened with her, through which experience she went. Bahuri rāma māyā hi sīru nāvā prerisati hi jai jhūta kahāvā haricchā bhāvī balavānā hṛdaya-vicārat sambhu sujānā. Lord Śiva bowed down his head to God Rāma. "Thank you, Lord. It is your power, your māyā... that you always protect me... that I do not have to fight for that. How easy it is, and how quickly it is, that your Māyā lets Satyajī tell the unreal, the lie. I would not dare to say that she is lying, but what she is telling me now is a lie." Śiva said this in his inner dialogue. Sometimes, when you are looking for, searching for some answer, you put the question also inwardly, you get the answer inwardly. And you again put the question inwardly, and again you get an answer. You get clarity. So, very important is that we have inner clarity. If we have inner clarity, then we are not suffering. And then also, inwardly, you know what you are going to do, what you should do, what you should not do. Everything is inner decisions. First, one decides inside, one thinks very much over while controlling the indriyas and mind, the senses and mind, and then you think again over and use your viveka, that I am not going to hurt anybody, and now, then you will let it go as it is, or you will do something. Therefore, it is said, the will of God—if you believe God has a will, I do not believe that God has a will—but I would say God gives back what we have. So it is His mercy which leads here and there, without expectation. Because Kṛṣṇa also said, "In all three worlds, there is nothing which is not realizable for me. I can get anything I wish. I have to work for nothing. I do not have to try hard to get something. But still, I am acting; I am working." So God's work, God's act, is without His willpower. We need the willpower. We have the will. We only just ask for that positive energy, what we call God. Lord Śiva was having very deep arguments with himself, pulling his inner self here and there. You see, personal and impersonal problems. Sometimes impersonal problems become personal problems. It was Satī's problem, not his problem. That she did not trust, she did not believe. And now he told, "Okay, then find out yourself." And what happened? Now something happened. Now it becomes his personal decision what to do. Yes, Satyajī changed her clothes in the form of Sītājī. It is not only the changing of the dress. There is changing of everything. Even if you are only changing a dress and playing, but still, in your subconsciousness, in your mind, in your feelings, you have to behave like that. When Śiva realized that Satī changed herself into Sītā, in his heart there was a big conflict. Because Satī became Sītā. Śiva was thinking, "If I will love now the Satī, then my bhakti, part of my bhakti, will be lost." And if I lose my bhakti, that will be a great tragedy for me. Because Satyajī already belongs to Śiva, or to Rāma. And I am not going to interfere in this. If I do, or if I think differently, then I will lose my devotion to Rāma. And that will be one of the biggest mistakes and the most terrible thing for me. I know, Satī is Satī, she is very pure, very pure and faithful. Therefore, I also cannot reject her; I cannot separate from her. If I give my love to her, that will also be a sin for me, because she has changed it. Where was the need of changing? These feelings of Śiva, he could not tell anyone, he could not express to anyone, but Śiva had in his heart restlessness. Now it became a personal thing, what to do. So you see, there is one poem: when a pot is broken, has a crack, then there is no resonance in it. It is broken. This is a full one, it is not broken, and it has a very good resonance. And now we make a crack on it... and you will see there is no resonance. So where is that resonance gone? A very slight crack is there now. And this cannot be repaired anymore. When we blow off the flame... the visible flame... beautiful, shining, radiating... It gives light and just blows off. Where is God? Disappeared. That flame just disappeared. As soon as the flame disappeared, everything became dark. If you try to catch, run from this window to that window. Close the door quickly, the flame will fly away, you cannot catch it. There is no door existing to stop that flame. And there is no door or no way existing to bring that flame back. When you put lemon in the milk, the milk is spoiled. You cannot gain any more butter from that milk. It is gone. Chemically, it is changed. It is gone. From that milk, you cannot gain any more butter. Similarly, when feeling from the heart is gone, you cannot get that love, may you say love, or devotion, or bhakti. Therefore, God, please, you can take everything away, or may I lose everything, but not one thing: my belief, my devotion to you. When this devotion is gone, it is darkness, it is everything gone. This poem is like this. Now you have the inner, inner arguments, confrontations, and so Śiva is also in this condition. He could not tell; he did not know how to gain. It was vikṣepas in the heart, you know, the kleśas. And the kleśas cause the vikṣepas. Vikṣepa causes again the kleśas. This is all what in the Patañjali Yoga Sūtra you read, and these are for a sādhanā for a yogī not good. Even the lord of the lord sometimes they also have such situations. Then who are we? We are immortal beings with our natural or human weakness. How far can we try? To come over it is out of our ability. Only his divine mercy, the Guru Kṛpā, can save us. Oh Lord of all the string, my string is in your hand. The string of my life is in your hand. Please, little move towards you. Do not play me always far. Please move sometime, little finger, that I come closer to you, bhakti devotion. In the Rāmāyaṇa you will see many things like this. When Sītā was kidnapped and Rāma was searching for her, Hanumānjī was finding Sītā. So before Hanumānjī went, God Rāma gave one ring to Hanumānjī. That when you will bring my message, may she will not believe you, but so this ring, and she know this ring, then she will trust you. He came to Sītā, she did not trust him, but then he saw the ring, then she was so happy. She said to Hanumānjī, "I am ready to give you anything but in this world exist because. You have done so dear to my heart. Ask what you want: kingdom, money, family, wife, children, position, siddhis. What do you want?" Hanumanjī said, "Mother, if you want to give me something, then please give me bhakti to your lotus feet, so that I will have eternal devotion to you." So bhakti is something great, and therefore Lord Śiva, he is thinking. Satī is very pure. She is very faithful. Therefore, I cannot renounce her. If I love her, there will also be sin. Śiva could not tell her or anybody, but in his heart, he was very sorry for it. Lord Śiva, inwardly, he made his devotion to God, Rāma. In the heart, he bowed his head to Rāma. You know, it is very easy to kneel down, but it is very hard to surrender the heart. If it is a real prema, real bhakti, love, or it is a selfish, artificial love, there are some people who know. The smell of the kasturi, pañculī, you cannot hide. Even if you put it in your suitcase, this smell will come out. So the devotion from the heart, that love knows. Otherwise, you do as long as you like, then you go away because here is not a comfortable place, and then you go somewhere, and then after some days, you come back. That is called kapaṭa kī bhakti. Kapaṭ kī bhakti prabhu nahīṁ māne. God does not accept that kind of love. In the heart, Śivjī bows down to God Rāma... and he remembered him very, very intensively. Lord, come and tell me something. As soon as he begins to think of Rāma... some intuition came to his mind. Some decisions came... some thoughts, some ideas, some visions maybe, some indications of what to do. Now, through this body of Satī, there can be no oneness between her and me... as husband and wife, or as Śiva and Śakti. That through this body, the Satī is not possible. And Śiva made an inner Saṅkalpa in his mind. He made the saṅkalpa. This will not be possible. This came to his mind. Intuition, the answer. Now, what will he decide? It is his thing. But in the present, he is already so far. The Lord Śiva, whose mind and intellect are always steady, was thinking of Rāma, full of devotion, full of love, and Śiva left for his house. For what? To Kailāśa, Himālaya. Śiva gets up and he moves towards the Himalayas alone. I think he did not have a suitcase. Did he have a suitcase? No, he did not have a suitcase, but I think he had a water pot or something he must have. As soon as he thinks to go, the snakes also know what he is thinking. So all the snakes quickly run and climb up on him. So Śiva said, "Well, my cobra, let us go." So God is moving towards Kailāśa. When he went, moved towards Kailāśa, a divine voice came from the heaven, the sky. "O Maheśa, O Śiva, glory to Thee, victory to Thee. Your devotion is so strong, so solid. Your devotion is pure, solid, clear. Like that devotion, we should have also. Your devotion should not move. When something comes between you and your beloved one, you shall try immediately to reject it, and this is the bad words in Kusaṅga. This is always chatting, what you call, whole day blah blah... That keeps you away, that makes the distance. Not that God pushes you away, it is you who are running away. Sometimes he is running behind you to catch you, but out of your proudness and ego, your jealousy... Complexes, you become like that fish which you cannot catch with the hand. You want to be caught with some hook. And when you are caught by the hook, then they will take you to cook. That is it. Therefore, always proceed." Now, the proceeding of Śiva towards the Himalayas, Kailāsa, means the proceeding of your inner feelings towards your aim, towards God. That is you who can do. You have to walk. You have to decide. So it depends on you which words you will keep in your mind, which habits will be in your mind, which qualities you will have, or you will purify them. That is very important, very, very important. Therefore, such a strong devotion, such a pure love which Śiva had, even the heaven, the sky also said, "Thank you, Lord. You are the glorious. You are the victorious." Aspan tum bin karai ko ānā Rām bhagat samarath bhagvānā Sunī nabagīrā satī ur sochā Pūsā śivahī samet sakochan... The whole heaven is vibrating, the whole earth is vibrating... whole mountains, whole vegetation, everything. Everything is moved. Tāṇḍava nṛtya, you know. When Śiva moves, everything moves. When he decides, everything decides. But he had a very peaceful state, very calm. That is called tolerance. That is called forgiveness. To give freedom means to have freedom. "Lord, who can make such a strong vow like you, O Lord Śiva? You are the bhakta, the devotee of Śrī Rāmacandrajī. He is a great one. You are a mighty one, greatest one." When Śiva heard this voice from somewhere, and Satyajī heard this too, suddenly she was scared. She was sad, I would say. Now you can smell something in the air. Something is happening. Then again, your heart becomes weaker. This is called the recycling process. She had a doubt, again she had another doubt, then she put someone in doubt, then again she put them into doubt. There is a very hard way out of doubt. How many times will you repeat these things? Understand. And make clarity. It will come back to you. And so, she is somehow already having some doubts. She did not dare to ask Śiva. She was ashamed, or she did not feel comfortable. But also she thought, if I do not ask, it will be too late. So, half-certainty. And you know, when someone is half-certain and half-uncertain, and one feels guilty, then how does one come and speak? "Can I speak something with you, please? Can I have a consultation, please?" Better you shall make meditation, not consultation, self-inquiry meditation. You know now, purposely, why Yoga in Daily Life has developed the particular, special meditation: self-enquiry. Because that is not only meditation, that is a consultation, consultation and meditation together. You should do the self-enquiry meditation. So, Satyajī, she is divine. She is the divine mother. She is most adorable. Nothing is holier than her. She is very pure. For us, she is the highest one. We do not think that she made a mistake. In our consciousness, no mistake is toward her. It is a good family problem, you know. It is between both of them. That is it. And how are they going to deal with this? So, who are we? Who are we to judge them? Who are we to blame them? We have no rights. Even we are not worthy enough to be the dust of her feet. Such a great one also has to think over how to come back. There are many people who go for climbing on the highest peak of the Himalayas or on Sumeru, and how to... to say that? And she then told me there. Was a group of Yugoslavians who went there and successfully came back. They said that 30% of people fail; they cannot go high. And 30%, when they are up, they do not know how to come down; they cannot come down. So, 60% of people die there, and no one can go there to rescue them because, who? Can go there so high up to bring the dead body at home and go for funeral. So once I heard some kind of documentation that so many dead bodies are lying there around, completely frozen in snow. So sometimes you can reach something, but you do not, and you try to go. Away now, you do not know how to come back. To find the way back is very hard. When you go in the meditation and for astral traveling, you go out of the body. It is hard, maybe, to come back again in the body. After the death, it is very hard to come back in the same body again. You see your body lying in front of you... beautiful body. Just heart stopped working, that is all. You can put a new pump inside, but you cannot come in. So, try to gain the way back... and that takes many lives, maybe. To get that confidence, Satyajī, she gazed in her heart, the knower of everything, the omnipresent, Lord Śiva, he realized everything. "What have I done? I was cheating Śiva. I made a mistake out of my... I should not say now in this Kali Yuga, but I should translate as it is written, you know. Though I am a follower of emancipation. But you know, sometimes reality is reality. Reality cannot be changed... by any religion, any philosophy, by any politics, by any law. By anyone, reality cannot change, even by emancipation." Satyajī said herself, "Out of my feminist nature, what I have done, the doubts and my mistakes, that was my great mistake, my foolishness." She said, "Look at the nature of love." When the water and milk come together, how do they become one? ...and you can sell the water at the price of milk. ...when you put a little water inside... that water becomes milk. ...and you can sell that milk or that water like milk. ...like this when we become one with God. ...when we become one with the saint in satsaṅg. To become one with the saint means to go to satsaṅg. Listen to the satsaṅg, follow their words, the vākyās. You will become the same. Your price will be the same, like the price of a saint. So, look at the nature of love: how it becomes one, like milk and water. But when you put some sour things in that milk, it again divides. The milk solid becomes one side, the water one side. The sour taste, and that sour taste is kusaṅga. That sour taste is talking negative all the time and thinking negative all the time. You should understand, finally, do not feel away from God. And if you feel, then it is you who put the sour things inside, or someone who came and put in your brain black males. Your one is again divided. You see what Tulsīdās is telling us. I think he is boiling and stirring us, you know. Stirring. Our heart, stirring our heart through and through. Not only was Satyajī's heart burning, now many of our hearts are burning.